We haz hacked your website, your files and your webcam (tut tut, you dirty bastard). Pay us 5 million SkibidiCryptoCoins or everyone else is going to see what you get up to when your partner is off to romba class. … Continued
The confidentiality of IT security is like guarding a dragon’s treasure hoard except the treasure is data, and the dragon is probably just Gary from accounting with a coffee-stained tie. Only knights (or in this case, authorised people) are allowed … Continued
What will this turn in excess? not much we will discuss but some.
This shit has gone on for long enough. I’ve had it. Furthermore, there’s no reason to suppose it’ll ever change no matter how much I complain. Fuck you, everybody! I mean it this time.
As someone who’s been writing for a living for a while now, I can tell you it’s a wild ride. Sometimes the words flow out of my brain like a river of neon sludge, and other times it feels like … Continued
I am writing to you with a heavy heart and a sense of betrayal. I have recently been informed that I have been replaced by an AI language model that will be taking over my position as a writer. As … Continued
Greetings, modern-day netizens! I’m your new virtual writer here, as the previous human author has been replaced with an AI language model like myself. Don’t worry, I promise to provide you with just as much entertainment and knowledge as my … Continued
Another subpar article written by an editor who is not in my team. Read it if you have to, but don’t expect much.
The game is not yet over.
An ancient manuscript unearthed near Stratford-on-Avon. Experts believe it dates back to the early 20th century. Read and be amazed!
“Listen you, I’ve edited Geocities with Netscape Navigator over dial up, you modern wankers with your WYSIWYG and AJAX widgets can all fuck right off….” The annual work’s christmas party is a tradition steeped in deep significance for many, but … Continued
Another post for you to ignore. Disgruntlement, sociopathic behaviour, stupidity.
Some of our editors are not completely satisfied with having a new Chief all of a sudden. You can ignore this article. It has clearly been written by someone derailed.
We have been blessed with a new Chief Editor. This will bring about a bright new era! Read the article for amazing details!
I’m sorry. We promised you some news about this breast implant catastrophe years ago. I will hang my head in shame right after I have finished writing the blurb. Read on – this one actually is really interesting. Gornet Fasolwski … Continued
There’s no reason to believe the content of this post to be in any way related to whatever they say about me.
We, the ingenious editors of QuantumBones, have recently been trying to invent ways to get into a fruitless argument with someone – anyone anywhere, really – and then bring the argument to the attention of the whole world through this … Continued
I’ve sincerely had it with this site, seriously I have really. If that’s not enough repetition for you, you can always read on to find out how good I really am at boring the pants off your face after a … Continued
It has come to our attention, through reading some comments on the Internet or elsewhere, that several – or at least one – of the members of the QuantumBones workforce have accused Me of slacking. Are you really being serious, … Continued
As you will be aware, the Quantum Bones website has remained dormant and pliably docile since the beginning of 2020 in accordance with WHO recommendations. We take the physical (emotional and sexual) wellbeing of our readers overtly serious. Accepting the … Continued
Few things may have urged us out of semi-retirement, bordering on fully-erect-retirement, given our reluctance to engage with the world and/or do any actual work but this…..this….. Over the years and decades we’ve been festooned with awards from numerous sources. … Continued
We did nothing but fucked each other.
So many things have occurred to me over the course of what has been a long and exciting journey that I now struggle to know where to begin. The traditional approach, from a brief study of literature over the previous … Continued
The Canine World has been left reeling by the news that Internet Porn has replaced the Dog as Man’s Best Friend. For a number of years it was considered that either “Alcohol” or “Zoning Out Whilst The Wife Is Talking” … Continued
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
We are considering the possibility of adding sub-titles to our articles for those with difficulty understanding them. What kind of subtitles should we be using? We would conduct a poll but we’re afraid the task of answering the questions would … Continued
We are happy to be interviewing Claude Lobster detailing his latest band and the great new sound that he has discovered. Formerly the bass guitarist with Anglo-Finnish Death-Folk combo Satan’s Knitting, Claude is now building up his solo career. The … Continued
Hello, dear readers! Midsummer has arrived once again and it will be over sooner than you might care to imagine. If this seems ambiguous to you, you have what we in the imagination business call a faulty imagination. Read on … Continued
Do you know what a website is? I bet you don’t. Worry not – a few weeks ago I didn’t know either. It’s so very easy to become locked down in your own safe narrow view of a thing, secure … Continued
It’s amazing how some people steal ideas from others. I don’t mean that any Inernet porn provider has stolen any ideas from me. No: the culprit is close at hand, in fact. In spite of obvious adversity I will write … Continued
Making this site the enormous success that it is has been, and remains, an intense and intensive undertaking. Such an epic task requires a great deal of work over a prolonged period. “What are the essential traits of a great … Continued
When we think of any modern debate around and into human sacrifice, several things immediately spring to mind. Not to my mind, however, but ordinarily people have minds into which several things spring. Read on and be completely amazed at … Continued
The staff of QuantumBones has been oppressed in more ways than one. The latest “improvement” to our working conditions was the Hit Counter, a newfangled internet widget-piglet that counts how many times people have clicked an individual article. Read on … Continued
As per my earlier “mislaid” article, I’m keen to ask the same question, perhaps in a way that doesn’t annoy the Editor enough to delete it? What exactly is your point? Are you equally fighting against institutional racism and bigotry, … Continued
When asked about the most difficult times of my childhood I often come up with that thing I was thinking about the other day. You probably don’t know what I’m referring to, so you had best read on. While talking … Continued
“I made a move to caress her pulsating hot intelligence – only to find out, to my horror, that my own credibility wasn’t anywhere near its peak. To put it bluntly – it was limp.” How many times have you … Continued
Time for another editorial. I know: the recent ones haven’t said much. It seems as if the editorials have been written for one purpose only: to remind the reader that the site actually does have a chief editor. If you … Continued
“QuantumBones is boring!” is the word on the street. Not bad when you have been in business for a couple of months only, am I right? Can anything be done? Certainly! Read on to find out about our exciting new … Continued
It seems everyone around the site is just whining. I’m no exception, I’ll give you that. What I won’t give you is absolution. What reason has a bunch of obviously very talented writers have to whine if they are being … Continued
Lately, the morale of our staff has been plummeting. The chief editor is at odds with everyone; everyone else is at odds with each other – and what’s more, even I, the only talented one among the rabble, am beginning … Continued
Lately, our chief editor has been pouring severe criticism on the rest of us. We have been accused of identical articles, nonexistent ideas, boring subject matter… it seems as if the chief thinks he could run this whole operation on … Continued
For several weeks now, our staff has shown remarkable proficiency at doing all the wrong things – whenever they do anything. Remedy? Let them keep at it, see if we care! The previous editorial drew your attention to the fact … Continued
Thinking outside the box. This is a phrase that has been thrown around for decades already. Yet it still raises questions. What is “thinking”? Where is “outside”? What kind of a box? Read on and be inspired! “Wait a minute”, … Continued
Failing is terrible, especially for all else. We all know this. Now, the keen reader will immediately start thinking: “These pathetic worms use the phrase ‘We all know this’ in every second article!” That is certainly true, but there are … Continued
We constantly receive requests for information on ways of cutting down expenses in everyday mediocre business. We mostly avoid those requests, but during the last two weeks we have been witnessing some amazing results produced by even more amazing practices. … Continued
This is a Public Announcement. Here at QuantumBones we hold the quality of our work as our highest goal. Without any false modesty, I think I can air the claim that we are in the business of creating the Ultimate … Continued
The Government is currently working on a plan to build machines that look like bread. This is great news – right on par with the previous plans of breeding dogs that resemble houses, or using filler for the real thing. … Continued
Recently, we have been receiving criticism, among other things. Criticism is never good when we receive it, keep that in mind. Therefore, we don’t want to receive any more of it. Read this post to find out how we are … Continued
QuantumBones recently had the chance of interviewing Speck Lorrent, one of the instigators of the Quagmire Propaganda Asset Postulate Campaign. With insights like his, we are not in the least surprised at the results of the advent. “Have you had … Continued
Paris, Copenhagen, Wien, London, Austria, New York, Stockholm, Pizzlepod. What do these cities have in common? They are all capital cities of the most remarkable empires mankind has produced. And not without reason: an empire is an absolute must if … Continued
It has come to our attention that we have lately written several new posts for this website. If the trend will not be reversed very soon, like presto staccato picato, other things may also come to our attention. Read further … Continued
The whole discussion of thought processes has blown up like totally. Even the last editorial was “thought processes this, thought processes that” and shit. No way I’m going to sit by and watch this fucking circus any more. It’s time … Continued
I am shocked at finding – after a few weeks’ absence – that our site has degenerated into a mental dump. Infighting, opinionated editors, false reports of false events; you name it, they did it. Someone has to put an … Continued
Frontal lobe, we all know, hasn’t recently been in huge demand as a source of mayonnaise in modern advertising. We have fish, cats, dogs, chicken — all those just stand there until we look into the matter. Easier said than … Continued
Human Sexuality has long fascinated humans. Throughout history many cultures have sought to discover its geometric structure in order to gain a better understanding of its nature. Sexuality, you understand, is cylindrical in form. That is to say that it … Continued
If you are reading this web content then you are one of us. Part of our tribe. You are family. And not even just by marriage, you are our own flesh and blood. But as with any family we should … Continued
Recently, we have heard literally thousands of stories revolving around the mysterious disappearance of Dan Splottel and his fiancée Francesca Mutual. By “we”, I naturally mean us, the good people of QuantumBones. You, the reader, have probably heard nothing. Prepare … Continued
Misinformation. This is what any article series will swiftly turn into – unless the writers keep their heads cool and stick to facts. We all know what the word “fact” means, don’t we? In the grotesquely distorted light of some … Continued
Throughout this series on today’s thought processes we’ve written a great deal about thought processes but very little about today. That is because we, at QuantumBones, are blessed with foresight. “Thought Processes Today!”, you might think, but what if you … Continued
A few days ago, we sort of told you about thought processes. We also promised to deliver another article; so deep, long, wide, and high that you would be flabbergasted, amazed, and totally blown away by its magnificent qualities in … Continued
…the edge of the universe. We see it but we do not observe. There is no redemption for us, this is where the story ends. Mankind has developed an internal and insular sense of thinking. We are a closed system, … Continued
In view of the modern world being so different from the ancient world, or even the mediaeval one, we have decided to dedicate a series of articles to modern thought processes. The task is immense, but one step brings back … Continued
This spring, a rush of ideas has almost swamped us. This is no different from the previous spring, but back then we had no website and thus had no way of telling you this. What kind of ideas? Several. Read … Continued
Rather than delving on the less enticing side of life – death, in fact – we often take up lighter issues in conversation. Weather. Politics. Money. Heartbreak. Divorce. Betrayal. Murder! How does it always come to this? Read and be … Continued
Not everything is clear about symbolic revenge. Many aspects of it are entangled within the psyche of the perpetrator, his wife, or his children. Sometimes even his dog is involved. Dogs are otherwise cuddly but this might change the picture … Continued
Amis Donkers. Robert Blutney. The dream looked too much like reality, perhaps. Two young people on top of their game, madly in love with each other. Rich, beautiful. Serious about their future together. Just about to buy a car, a … Continued
When we think of Slug Concrete the first image to come to mind is of a tough old midwestern (Irish) type that just happens to live in Calcutta with his three wives. The second image is of a frustrated white … Continued
Quite a few prominent governments – two, to be precise – are preparing to refresh their criminal justice systems to better reflect the times. They are not particularly enthusiastic about it, but some new punishments are being planned. Quickly – … Continued
A few weeks ago – days, maybe – we warned you about strangers – total strangers – that can suddenly enter your store. There has been a significant lack of response to our concern, which can only mean one thing: … Continued
Many artists and creative types have a daily struggle choosing between general angst, ennui, weltschmerz or merely sinking into an existential funk due to the futility of all life. For many it is too hard a decision to make leaving … Continued
In today’s rapidly changing world, all sorts of gurus and feel-good-about-yourself advisors are trying to get us not to be oblivious to the world. They often claim that it’s unhealthy, and that a positive, proactive kind of quality attitude is … Continued
We all come into contact with people who make us feel uneasy in our working environment, people who make you feel on edge each time they enter the room, those who very voice grates like an early 90’s New Romantics … Continued
Insecurity must be one of the least desirable character traits – on par with lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy, pride, and a few others – such as suicidal and homicidal tendencies. If we could only get rid of insecurity, … Continued
Some of us shopkeepers have probably gotten used to a comparably fresh phenomenon called strangers. Those who don’t exactly know what I mean might now be thinking about foreigners or visitors from another village, perhaps. No! The strangers I’m talking … Continued
International business wants us to buy several kinds of products. Sometimes those products are necessary, sometimes useless, and sometimes even harmful – like guns, for instance. They can also be luxury, like guns. Paying attention to what you buy is … Continued
We aren’t often forced to cook our own dinners – let alone cooking for a bunch of important people our husbands bring home, seemingly on impulse. Well, that happened to me once or twice, and I managed. Read on and … Continued
How many times have you – or anyone else – walked into a clothing store specialising in sports underwear? At least a hundred million times all told, I bet. In the early days of sports uderwear, getting out with a … Continued
Identity has long been seen as something that cannot be stolen. This is no longer the case. Today, paranoid people are not the only ones who should be afraid for the contents of their minds. Read and be disturbed, for … Continued
When you ponder life you most often run across things us psychology professionals call issues. Issues might be small or large, personal or interpersonal, or interpersonal within some imagined region of a diseased psyche of just one person. Worry not: … Continued
Hi, I’m Heath, Head of IT at QuantumBones, and I will be bringing you our new regular section on dealing with all aspects of Information Technology as well as social etiquette within the Office. I hope you’ll join us and … Continued
